Love, Lust and Draco Malfoy: Spoofed
by Gothic Lust
Summary: He bit, she cringed, or did she shiver in ecstasy? Life as a werewolf could never compare, especially when Hermione is horny and Draco is chained to the bed. HGDM LLDM Parody::Please read the original by NeuroticMuse413 before this one. Thanks XD
1. Parody One: Blessed Virgins

**Love, Lust and Draco Malfoy: Spoofed**

**By: Gothic Lust**

**Harry Potter**

**Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy**

**Romance/Humor**

**Rated M**

**Summary**: He bit, she cringed (or did she shiver in ecstasy?), life as a werewolf could never compare, especially when Hermione is horny and Draco is chained to the bed. HGDM (LLDM Parody)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, also this plot line is not mine, but rather belongs to my dear friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing it, with her expressed permission, as a parody of the original (please do not take anything that goes on here seriously).

**Author's** **Note**: I must clarify some things here, and again it will seem repetitive; I do not own the plot line of this fanfiction, it belongs to a friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing the idea to create a spoof/parody, joke, and/or comedic moments between the characters, and should not be taken into consideration into her plotline. These ideas (related only towards actions and events that take place) are solely my own, and does not follow her future plans for the story.

On a lighter note, I hope that you enjoy this crazy idea that I've come up with. Also, if you have not read the original, then I suggest you do, and not just because she happens to be my good friend, but because the story is worth reading as a piece of creative literature.

-----

_I would like to thank Gracie…aka…NeuroticMuse413, for allowing me to pursue this stupid idea of mine. If I happen to offend your story, bash, criticize or poke fun at it in any way, I am not at all sorry. XD _

-----

**Parody One: Blessed Virgins**

­-----

"Kiss the frog." Neville said while passing his toad, Trevor, to a beaten and bruised Malfoy.

Draco however, raised an eyebrow and proceeded to look like a child who really needed to poop by sitting on his hands and rocking where he was seated on the bed. "Why?"

"Why not?" Hermione chirped in from behind her large volume of _Hogwarts: A History_. "It says here that frogs grant a wish to any virgin who kisses it."

"…and what makes you believe that I'm a virgin." Draco scooted farther back and away from the boy and his pet toad. "I've had maids for Pete's sake, maids you hear!"

"So you've had help to pull up your trousers and wipe your ass." Hermione growled. "How does that make you not a virgin?"

"Woman, explain then how my trousers got on the floor." Draco sneered. "It was the maids!"

From the corner, Ron and Harry snickered, each holding a spare toad incase Trevor decided to make a daring last minute escape.

"Maybe he was lacking in some stuff below the belt." Ron laughed loudly.

"Yeah, I think the trousers were calling the skirts to come back." Harry added, red-faced.

"I'll have you both know that my manhood is more than sufficient in length, just ask the maids." Draco countered hotly.

"Galleons speak more than inches, Malfoy." Hermione pointed out. "And you're a few galleons short of a full sack."

Malfoy openly gapped at her, wondering when she decided to sneak a peak at his so called 'sack'.

"This is where you take the frog, Malfoy." Neville urged, pushing the toad into the face of a pale Draco. "It worked for me" He whispered low, motioning to his own crotch.

"Yeah, you can wish for a few more galleons." Harry cracked, the toad in his hands jumping to the floor and out the door quickly when he loosened his grip.

"I'm not kissing that pus-infested…"

"Pussy!" Ron exclaimed.

"Ron, I believe the term is coward." Hermione corrected him. "He's never had any too be called that."

"Oh, right." Ron reddened, his ears turning a deep beat color. Harry counted whatever freckles remained on his friends face before they disappeared into the maroon of his blush. Draco noticed the boy's sight directly aimed at Hermione's low cut shirt.

Ron shook his head when she turned around and quickly added another comment to the conversation. "Dick-less coward, then."

"Say whatever you will, I don't need to prove my virility to you!" Draco scoffed. "Even the help at Club Daemos can vouch…"

"Club what?" Hermione blinked. "Is that where they serve fizzing blue butterbeer in maid and Little Bo Peep outfits?"

"More like Little Bo _Peak_." Draco smiled at his own joke.

"Whatever, just kiss the damn toad, Malfoy." Neville shouted, all but shoving Trevor up Draco's nose.

Draco pulled back farther, sadly it didn't give him much distance from the frog in Neville's hands.

"Why am I going to do such a thing anyway?" He questioned again.

"You are going to wish for yourself to go back to wherever you came from." Harry bluntly stated.

"The reason why none of you are doing it is because," Draco blinked, unsure he wanted to know the answer.

"Because we're not virgins, Malfoy." Neville answered, pushing the toad yet again into his face.

"I find that impossible to believe." Draco swatted the frog from him, unable to sit on his hands any longer without loosing all feeling. He needed his right hand after all, and not just for sorcery or writing letters.

"Well," Harry sighed. "All except Ron and Hermione, and we don't trust Ron to make that wish."

"And what makes you think I'll wish for that." Draco countered quickly.

"You see, we know you're a werewolf, and we know that you bit Hermione." Both persons looked away from one another immediately, their eyes flushing gold. Harry continued. "And we also know that if we release her from her chains, she'll jump your bones. So, want to change that decision now."

"How do you know that I don't want her to 'jump my bones'?" Draco raised an eyebrow and winked rather provocatively towards the werewolf in question, chained rather heavily by blue steal to the bedpost.

"Because, you've got no bone to raise." Ron laughed out. He was turning red again.

Draco ignored the jab, again. "So, why can't Granger make the stupid wish then?"

"Doesn't work for women, if it did, there wouldn't be any more of them with a period to impregnate." Hermione spoke quickly, her eyes now fully bathed in gold.

Draco blinked, "Good point." He grabbed the toad from Neville's hands and kissed it before anyone could comprehend what he did.

The room flashed white, blinding all occupants. When everything cleared, and the discomforting spots faded from in front of their eyes, Harry, Ron and Neville opened their eyes, not expecting the sight they saw.

"Oh, gross!" Ron yelled, covering his virgin eyes.

"Well, now we know that it really was pointless." Harry said with eyes wide. "And the damn cocky bastard was right."

Both boys grabbed Neville before he could race to the bed before them, now crowded with multiple Hermione in several outfits from Club Daemos' secret closet. One particular outfit, clad upon a Hermione now straddling a grinning Draco, ironically resembled a maid's outfit.

"Damn bastard." All three muttered as they closed the door. "You win this round."

-----

Did I not tell you that things were not meant to be taken seriously!

Reviews are _not_ better than Draco with a few extra _galleons_.

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	2. Parody Two: A Round of Potions

**Love, Lust and Draco Malfoy: Spoofed**

**By: Gothic Lust**

**Harry Potter**

**Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy**

**Romance/Humor**

**Rated M**

**Summary**: He bit, she cringed (or did she shiver in ecstasy?), life as a werewolf could never compare, especially when Hermione is horny and Draco is chained to the bed. HGDM (LLDM Parody)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, also this plot line is not mine, but rather belongs to my dear friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing it, with her expressed permission, as a parody of the original (please do not take anything that goes on here seriously).

**Author's** **Note**: I must clarify some things here, and again it will seem repetitive; I do not own the plot line of this fanfiction, it belongs to a friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing the idea to create a spoof/parody, joke, and/or comedic moments between the characters, and should not be taken into consideration into her plotline. These ideas (related only towards actions and events that take place) are solely my own, and does not follow her future plans for the story.

On a lighter note, I hope that you enjoy this crazy idea that I've come up with. Also, if you have not read the original, then I suggest you do, and not just because she happens to be my good friend, but because the story is worth reading as a piece of creative literature.

-----

_I would like to thank Gracie…aka…NeuroticMuse413, for allowing me to pursue this stupid idea of mine. If I happen to offend your story, bash, criticize or poke fun at it in any way, I am not at all sorry. XD _

-----

**Parody Two: A Round of Potions**

­-----

"Hit me." Draco called, slamming his shot glass onto the carpet floor of his room.

In front of him, Hermione chugged the contents of her own shot glass, the light of the quarter moon shinning though the open window. She gasped, pulling the glass from her lips and slamming it down next to Draco's. "Hit me, Harry."

Harry, however, was far from gathering up the courage into ladling another glassful of whatever potion Hermione concocted. He snapped out of it when Draco chucked his glass at him, missing his right ear by a few inches. It slammed against the wall and shattered.

"Damn it all, Harry." He growled, his eyes lightly tinted gold. "My libido is not the only thing that's riding on this, now, hit me."

Harry blinked, and then cursed when he remembered that this was not just a game of shots, but a contest to get that damn potion down and make it fun. Harry then conjured up another shot glass and filled it with the goopy blue potion. So far, they had half the cauldron to go.

Draco snatched it out of his hands and quickly downed the contents, sputtering when he suddenly gained the need to barf it up.

"Draco, you can try to drink that entire cauldron dry, you've lost." Hermione giggled, teetering a bit on her makeshift seat—one of Draco's nice pillows from the bed.

"Shut-up woman, it's hard to drink that thing when it's literally cutting the feeling I'm supposed to be getting from my balls." He grimaced and readjusted himself on his own pillow. "I have to keep checking to make sure they're still there."

"Draco," Hermione sung a bit, smiling. She then tossed her own shot glass at him, smacking him in the forehead as he chugged down another glassful of potion. "You're a disgusting, brainless git."

"Right now I'm a guy that doesn't feel like a guy." Draco handed his glass to Harry, begging for some help the boy-who-lived. Harry just gave the Malfoy heir an evil smile and added another half ladle to the nearly topped glass. "Bastard." Draco muttered.

Harry didn't even react, other than the strange stretch of his lips as he pulled them into a drunken grin, and handed Draco his shot glass.

"Why don't you try being cut off from your manhood, Potter." Draco growled out, the weight of the glass far heavier than normal with the added ladle of potion. "One of these days, I'm going kick you there, just for fun."

"What ever you say, Malfoy." Harry laughed and snatched the glass away from Draco's lips when the last of the potion slid into his open mouth. "I hope this turns your tongue blue."

Draco however turned to Hermione and glared with all his heart. Hermione blinked, not understanding the need for such a heated stab at her person.

"I hate you, truly." Draco readjusted himself of the pillow again. "Really, really hate you."

"Well, at least you get to feel like a girl..." Hermione giggled. "More or less. I, however, can't feel anything from my hips down."

Hermione tried to stretch her legs, but the numb feeling shot down her thighs to her toes like tiny pin-pricks.

"And I don't think my legs are used for reproduction, so why they're numb, I have no idea."

"I beg to differ, there are so many positions that use your—" Draco stopped in favor of ducking the cauldron of hot potion chucked at his head. "Don't blame me if you wake up a woman."

"I really hate you, Draco." Hermione echoed his words, the gold in her eyes, though faded because of the potion, reflected a bit more in the weak moonlight.

"Um, so, am I done being referee?" Harry asked, watching the potion eat through the sheets on Draco's bed.

"Yes." Both growled at him. Harry cringed; glad the potion took care of their werewolf side.

"So," Hermione began as she straightened on her seat.

"Who won?" Draco finished simply, a twitch in his eyebrow flickered as he too watched his bed melt into oblivion.

"Er—well, you never really finished the cauldron, so…" Harry stuttered, afraid of the outcome to his person (and his manhood) if he revealed the results.

"Damn it, Harry!" Hermione screamed, grabbing the boy-who-may-not-survive by his tie. "Just tell us who won."

Harry turned to Draco for a moment, but found no help there. The blonde's revenge left a bitter taste in his mouth. Whatever the two had bet on in this round of potion shots must have been big.

"Er—well. Hermione had 17 complete shots before her turn passed." Harry removed himself quickly from his good friend, now favoring the shield that Draco may provide him from her once he said his next sentence. "But Malfoy had 17 and a half shots, before you threw the cauldron at his head."

Hermione, with gapping jaw, looked between the two before she jumped the distance to strangle her now ex-friend.

"Damn it, and all because you gave him that extra ladle!" Hermione screamed.

"Now, now." Draco sneered. "Bygones are bygones. Besides, you now need to pay up."

Standing, Draco threw her over his shoulder and crossed to the bathroom, shutting the door.

A scream sounded from the other side of the door, and Harry high tailed it out of the room. Once safely out of Laim's portrait, Harry shouldered the invisibility cloak and had a leisurely walk to the Gryffindor Tower, where his bed demanded his attention. His pillow was having trust issues, he would have to reassure the darn thing that he wasn't cheating on it—but for now, he could freely laugh at Hermione's expense. Hair straightening was painful, according to Ginny.

Too bad she didn't win, he might have stuck around longer to see Draco suffer through a complete body wax—genitals and all. Yup, too bad, maybe next month.

-----

Getting weirder for you?

Reviews are better than watching Draco suffer through a bikini wax.

-----

--Gothic Lust


	3. Parody Three: Manly Pride

**Love, Lust and Draco Malfoy: Spoofed**

**By: Gothic Lust**

**Harry Potter**

**Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy**

**Romance/Humor**

**Rated M**

**Summary**: He bit, she cringed (or did she shiver in ecstasy?), life as a werewolf could never compare, especially when Hermione is horny and Draco is chained to the bed. HGDM (LLDM Parody)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, also this plot line is not mine, but rather belongs to my dear friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing it, with her expressed permission, as a parody of the original (please do not take anything that goes on here seriously).

**Author's** **Note**: I must clarify some things here, and again it will seem repetitive; I do not own the plot line of this fanfiction, it belongs to a friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing the idea to create a spoof/parody, joke, and/or comedic moments between the characters, and should not be taken into consideration into her plotline. These ideas (related only towards actions and events that take place) are solely my own, and does not follow her future plans for the story.

On a lighter note, I hope that you enjoy this crazy idea that I've come up with. Also, if you have not read the original, then I suggest you do, and not just because she happens to be my good friend, but because the story is worth reading as a piece of creative literature.

-----

_I would like to thank Gracie…aka…NeuroticMuse413, for allowing me to pursue this stupid idea of mine. If I happen to offend your story, bash, criticize or poke fun at it in any way, I am not at all sorry. XD _

-----

**Parody Three: Manly Pride**

­-----

"I think this color suits your complexion perfectly." Ginny cooed, holding in front of her a large, pink, and lacy ballroom dress for Malfoy to see.

"Hell no," Draco cursed and backed away from the youngest (and craziest) Weasley child.

"Put the damn thing on, Draco." Hermione glowered, wearing her own matching canary yellow dress and parasol. "I suffer, you suffer." She added harshly, flipping her neatly curled hair over her exposed shoulders.

"There is no damn way I'm dressing in drag." He shouted, pulling his wand from deep inside his back pocket.

"Too bad, we're one girl short since Pansy started vomiting a month ago." Ginny replied. "Besides, it wouldn't fit on her rounding stomach anyway."

"Have Weasel do it," Draco laughed. "It would bring out the color in his hair and cheeks."

"But blonde works so well with dusty pink." Ginny pleaded. "And Ron is already wearing the green one."

Draco stopped trying to claw his way up the post of his bed, staring wide eyed at Ginny. "Come again?" He sputtered.

Hermione hid a giggle with the back of her gloved hand, picturing the look on Ron's face as Harry forced him into the green dress.

"Ron had no choice but to dress up," Hermione answered him as Ginny turned red from lack of oxygen. "Harry didn't fit in the dress, he was too thin and too small."

"You mean Potter actually put it on?" Draco questioned, wondering to himself where he was when this was taking place.

"Yes," Ginny breathed deeply and burst into another fit of giggles.

"What ever for?" Draco looked at the two of them, trying not to think about the dress still folded in Ginny's arms. "Does he not have some sense of male pride?"

"Male pride, Draco," Hermione smiled, "Flew out the window when the two heard about the prize of a million galleons to the winner of this year's _Whimsical Witch Pageant_.

Draco jumped from his roost near the banister above the post of his bed, landing neatly before the two women and held out his hand towards Ginny.

"Why didn't you tell me there was money involved!?" He spat out quickly. "Hand over the damn dress, we've got work to do."

Ginny, too stunned with the automatic compliance on Draco's part, mechanically handed him the pale pink period styled dress without a word. Malfoy then snatched if from her hands and strode with a straight back and determined shoulders to the bathroom.

-----

Ron grinned, his green dress twirling around him as he danced with a large sack of galleons.

"Can you believe that git," Draco mumbled. "Happy over a stupid sack of galleons—a million stupid galleons!"

Hermione punched him in the arm, her own head hung down in shame. How the hell did she loose to a guy! To Ron!

Neville groaned, holding up the skirts of his own deep blue dress so he wouldn't trip over them. Harry clapped him on the shoulder, laughing.

"Don't worry Neville, you still have next year." Harry laughed, the only one still dressed in his normal school attire, his other arm slung around the shoulders of a lavender clad, sobbing, Ginny.

Draco raised an arm, about to add some sort of remark when he stopped, the others slamming into his back.

"Mr. Malfoy, I must say, that dress is most suited to you." Dumbledore smiled, "Now, if you'll excuse me." He curtsied and passed—rather gracefully—away from the group. All students present, and spotting their headmaster, nearly gouged out their eyes.

"I can't believe it," Hermione gasped. "Pale blue is definitely his color."

Draco turned to her, shocked. "That's all you can say after seeing an old man dressed in drag—matching our _dress_!"

"He even has a matching parasol." Harry muttered, rubbing his eyes several times before taking another look.

"That's not the only thing that matches," Ginny laughed, oddly excited even though she lost in the first round of the competition and nearly strangled her brother when he won. "He's even wearing high heeled shoes."

All men in their party groaned, wishing the night to end soon.

-----

Reviews are better than putting on a parade of a million Draco's forced to dress in drag.

--Gothic Lust

PS. I will take requests. The funnier, the better.

**Review Replies:**

**Celestreal**: I'm glad that you found this interesting. You were my first reviewer. I was beginning to loose hope that anybody would enjoy this story other than myself and _NeuroticMuse413_.

**? (2009-03-21. chapter 2)**: This isn't made to be an actual fanfiction, but a collection of drabbles that make fun of, or expand upon _NeuroticMuse413's_ original story: _Love, Lust and Draco Malfoy_. As of this moment, I have not planned for any hardcore lemons or any lemons in general, and I probably won't add them. I will however throw in limes, fluff and other things of that nature but no hardcore sex. If you are looking for stuff like that (and are hopefully over the age of 18) then I suggest going to this site: **www (dot) adultfanfiction (dot) net**. I believe I have a link on my profile. You may have to do some scrolling however.


	4. Parody Four: Panty Drawer

**Love, Lust and Draco Malfoy: Spoofed**

**By: Gothic Lust**

**Harry Potter**

**Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy**

**Romance/Humor**

**Rated M**

**Summary**: He bit, she cringed (or did she shiver in ecstasy?), life as a werewolf could never compare, especially when Hermione is horny and Draco is chained to the bed. HGDM (LLDM Parody)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, also this plot line is not mine, but rather belongs to my dear friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing it, with her expressed permission, as a parody of the original (please do not take anything that goes on here seriously).

**Author's** **Note**: I must clarify some things here, and again it will seem repetitive; I do not own the plot line of this fanfiction, it belongs to a friend, _NeuroticMuse413_. I am borrowing the idea to create a spoof/parody, joke, and/or comedic moments between the characters, and should not be taken into consideration into her plotline. These ideas (related only towards actions and events that take place) are solely my own, and does not follow her future plans for the story.

On a lighter note, I hope that you enjoy this crazy idea that I've come up with. Also, if you have not read the original, then I suggest you do, and not just because she happens to be my good friend, but because the story is worth reading as a piece of creative literature.

-----

_I would like to thank Gracie…aka…NeuroticMuse413, for allowing me to pursue this stupid idea of mine. If I happen to offend your story, bash, criticize or poke fun at it in any way, I am not at all sorry. XD _

-----

**Parody Four: Panty Drawer**

­-----

Granny cotton panty, granny cotton panty, granny cotton panty, lace panty, thong….

Hello!

Draco grinned, holding the small black thong dotted with red hearts in his two hands, stretching it for a good view. Jackpot!

He laid the piece out on the bed, marveling at the small size before returning to rummage through her panty drawer again. Annoyed with the numerous oddly colored and distasteful underwear fit for an old hag, Draco picked them out one by one with pinched fingers by the hem and tossed them into the waste basket.

Draco cleared nearly the entire drawer before he could look through the rest of its hidden contents. He pushed aside the lace panties, disinterested for the moment, and sifted quickly through the small number of thongs.

Amazingly, she owned at least five, all in different colors and styles. Most, however, held a base color of black. He laid them neatly on the bed in a row, turning them every so often to view them from every angle.

Off to the corner was a green and silver thong. It was quickly becoming Draco's favorite piece; where the elastic string connected to the emerald green and silver striped base of the thong, the stitching was knotted to resemble a snake head pointing down to the crotch, where the tail of another snake curled at the bottom and disappeared to create the head of another snake at the back where it appeared to continue to slither up the spine.

He grabbed it and stuffed it into his pocket, imagining how it would look on her as she slept curled in his bed, tangled in his sheet and shirt.

Draco stuffed the rest in the corner of the drawer and as he pulled his hand back, he felt something he previously had not noticed. Hooking his finger underneath a silken strap, he pulled the cool cloth from the dark confines of the dresser drawer, only to reveal something Draco could never have imagined the prudish bookworm Hermione Granger to own.

The silk dress unfolded neatly, hanging by one thin black and white sleeve daintily from his finger. The outfit's modest neckline dipped a bit for ample show of cleavage that balanced the narrow cut of the waist line wrapped securely in the tiny cotton, lace-trimmed, maid's apron.

Draco could only stand and marvel at the sight of such a costume, an erotic outfit that most surely came with the matching cuffs, choker and garter hidden somewhere in the back of her panty drawer. After such a discovery, Draco was tempted to search her nightstand drawers for any naughty toys she could be hiding. Nobody bought an outfit such as this without even considering a good vibrator to use with it.

As Draco set aside the maid's outfit, delicately smoothing out the wrinkles as he spread it cleanly on the bed to admire the small form and cut of the skirt and top, Hermione stepped through her door, dropping the heavy stack of books she carried at her feet.

Draco looked up, and for a brief second, seemed not only stunned, but guilty for having sneaked into her panty drawer, and was rather close to opening her bedside table to search for the elusive vibrator he knew she must have stashed inside. The guilt was gone rather quickly as Hermione made to draw her wand from the inner pockets of her school cloak.

Though the thought never occurred to him that he may actually die, or become deformed in some way that may prevent him from ever reproducing or enjoying all that made him male for going through her stuff, never mind it being her panty drawer, Draco only grinned and lifted the skimpy maids outfit with the same finger that pulled it from its hidden place inside the drawer and said, "Care to try it on," his eyebrows wagging as the golden hue danced in his eyes.

Hermione didn't speak a word, but drew her wand, and with a simple utterance, began her revenge, starting by setting the clothing Draco held on fire with angry green flames.

-----

History of Magic was boring as ever, but watching Draco as he shifted in his chair because the burns on his ass were still fresh was keeping her highly entertained. She loved to watch his face as it shifted from grimace to grimace, each expression more agonizing than the next, while he tried to find a comfortable position on his chair. The only reason she had not been able to burn any other certain bodily appendage off was by the ill timing of Ginny Weasley. The girl chose that particular moment, just as Draco set her waste bin, filled with her favorite underwear, on fire, to interrupt her revenge.

'Tit-for-tat, he says,' Hermione thought as she scribbled her notes on a fresh sheet of parchment. 'Burned my favorite piece, he says,' the quill snapped in between her fingers. 'I'll buy you a new set, he says,' Hermione fetched a new quill from her bag, taking no notice how the rest of the students sat at attention, staring directly at her for breaking the silence of the room. 'Bloody, perverted git.'

For then next two days, Hermione found many ways to torture him, most of it including pulling his chairs from underneath him as he tried to sit oh-so-gingerly on the hard wood. In potions class, she managed to turn up the flame beneath his cauldron during the most crucial period where the potion was supposed to simmer, not boil. Snape was so furious when the potion boiled over onto to desks and stone floor of his classroom, that Draco was given a rather special detention (where he was forced to clean all the cauldrons by hand in the muggle fashion) and a sleepless night of extra lessons.

Tired from a hard day's work of torturing Malfoy, Hermione passed Liam's portrait without a word and slipped between the sheets of her bed still dressed in the schools uniform and dreamed of sinful things.

Strong hands caressed and moved slowly with grazing fingertips over her spine. They twirled with her hair and pulled her head back forcefully against wide shoulders. She gasped as a warm tongue traced patterns on her pulse and teeth toyed dangerously with her left ear. One hand captured hers in a steel grip and pinned them above her as his heavy weight settled between her parted thighs.

She mewed against hungry lips and pushed against narrow hips, grinding against a hard bulge. Her heart fluttered as the other hand pulled her top above her breasts and brushed against....

Cold hair woke Hermione from her erotic dream. Keeping the idea alive with her own thoughts of what his hands were about to do, Hermione opened the nightstand drawer and searched blindly for her favorite companion. Her fingertips brushed against nothing but the wooden bottom and a piece of parchment. Confused, Hermione grabbed her wand from the tabletop and lit the end with a quiet whisper. Inside the open drawer a small bit of parchment stared up at her with an elegant signature scrawled at the end.

Furious, Hermione snatched the piece of paper and read the note her personal devil had left for her.

_Granger, _

_I found the toy, so don't bother searching for it, or any of the other things you've stashed. Very clever of you to conveniently hide them where most boys would not dream of searching. Who would have thought to hide such a tiny vibrator as a tampon, brilliant. _

_Nevertheless, these things are now mine. I have, however, replaced that outfit you destroyed with something more appropriate to the profession. If you want them back, though I don't see how any pleasure could be gained by such small and thin things, my room will need a very good cleaning, the sheets are still a bit stiff. _

_Yours truly,_

_Draco Malfoy_

_Ps. Expect a nurse outfit in a few days, those burns you gave me still hurt and I could use some tender, loving, care after those stunts you've pulled in class._

**-----**

Reviews are better than Draco stealing your panties.

**Omg, Gracie! LOL. You threw Draco out the window…genius!**

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